Glossary | Meanings Behind The Words in “How to Keep Love”
Being Thankful
Being thankful is the first step. It is the key. It is the bridge. It opens the door. That is how important it is. It is a great way to be Present. It is ok to be thankful for the past – do not dwell on it. The past is a thought, a memory. Maybe it is a good memory – it is still just a thought. It is not real. What is real is right now.
Take a moment and be aware of your breathing; how it feels, how it sounds. This is a simple way to be present without thought of past or future. Now, be thankful that you have found the real peacefulness of the real you. Be thankful for this moment. When you can be thankful for yourself, the peace of the real you, the beautiful body you have, the fact that you can read this, now you can be thankful for the wonderful person you have your arms around. Looking at the good and being thankful for it gives you the opportunity to have the universe bring you more good in your life.
Being thankful is one of the most important things to do and be. It opens the door for good, happiness, joy, love and peace. A good way to understand this is by knowing that nothing is owed to you. You don’t deserve anything; the universe gives gifts to you that you can choose to accept, and live whatever kind of life you choose. So if you’re being thankful for something good in your life you’re basically bringing that around to you because of the law of attraction.
Being thankful throughout your day and throughout your life is a wonderful state of mind. If you are thankful for the clothing you have on, if you are thankful for the bed you sleep in, if you are thankful that you have shoes to put on, if you are thankful for the day and the opportunity to be thankful, then you’ll always be peaceful. Be thankful for your job, or be thankful for your ability to go and look for a job. Speaking about looking for jobs; if you are turned down for a job you were looking for be thankful for that. It obviously wasn’t right for you and be thankful that the journey isn’t over yet. In that instance we can see how to change from a possible negative situation into a positive situation; be thankful you didn’t get that job and move on. It’s not just a prayer at dinner time, thank you for this meal; it’s a way of life. There’s a phrase, “attitude of gratitude”, talked about and written about. All of the great masters talk about the importance of gratitude or being thankful. So using the power of being thankful in your romantic relationship is extremely important. It is possibly the most important thing. Of course you need to adopt the philosophy of being thankful in all facets of your life. For instance be thankful in your workplace, be thankful for your coworkers, be thankful for the project you’re working on and be thankful for the person in the position above you who comes down and chews you out. Be thankful you don’t have to go home to that person, be thankful for your car; I think you get the idea, be thankful for everything.
Being thankful for your lover is extremely important to keep your loving relationship growing. In lesson one, we talked about holding your partner in a tight spooning fashion and being thankful. Make it a habit, do this every day. You can say it out loud, silently to yourself, whatever works for you. Just do it. Be thankful for the warmth of her body. Be thankful for your love. Be thankful it feels so good to be holding your lover. Be thankful that you get to be together. Be thankful for the intimacy you have. Be thankful for the meals you have together. Be thankful for your differences, this is a good one. Instead of wondering or saying, ‘why is my partner like this?, I don’t understand him, he drives me crazy when he does that’, if you change that around to being thankful it doesn’t bring you to a bad attitude. Remember you’re only responsible for your half of the relationship, so don’t try to change anybody. The only person you can change is yourself. Be thankful for that. Be thankful for love and be thankful for being in love.
Being thankful takes away judgment and judgment is a horrible thing. Being thankful takes away a bad attitude. Being thankful brings more good things into your life that you can be thankful for. What that means is the more things you find to be thankful for the more good things are going to happen to you to be thankful for.
Have you ever noticed that being thankful always accompanies a smile? It’s feel-good stuff. The next time your waiter or waitress brings you something at the table, if you look into their eyes and say “thank you”, a genuine thank you, not just out of habit, notice the smile that happens on both people. Being thankful is something that should happen all day, especially in a loving relationship. You can start right now by being thankful that you learned how important being thankful is. And it is the easiest thing to do .
Brilliant words of wisdom from Eckhart Tolle; ” Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do we know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you’re having at this moment.” So if you can be thankful for the experience you’re having, for the moment that you’re in, meaning; be thankful for your life experiences because this is what you need to evolve your consciousness. So be thankful. Whatever it is, be thankful. Being thankful can take a black heart and make it happy. Being thankful can also lead to forgiveness and then in some ways transcend the need for forgiveness altogether. In some cases you can jump over the need to forgive if you’re thankful for everything.
No Rules
Love has NO RULES. Love does not need rules. Love is the most powerful component of us. We would be silly to apply rules such as; my side of the bed, I always watch this program, you should know not to talk to me when I get home, why did I have to buy the flowers when we went out on our picnic? All of this garbage is the ego, your false self popping up wanting to be noticed and important. The real you, the being that you are, what you came from … is love and goodness. If you have established rules or patterns, it can be very fun to break the rules. Example; either one of you can buy the flowers, switch sides of the bed or seats at the dinner table. Since the TV is OFF, set the table with different plates. Go outside and eat. Try something new at your favorite restaurant, go to a different restaurant. Get in the habit of getting out of the habit. When your lover says, “this sounds kind of weird, but I would like to …,” you say, “let’s do it, there are no rules!”
Find the routines and break them. Love is spontaneous. Don’t think, just feel and go with it. Is there a routine in the way you make love?
No Conditions. Unconditional Love.
Unconditional Love. This is when you love without putting any conditions on anyone or anything. This works with all loving relationships; parents, children, parent to adult children, friends you really care about, your pets and of course romantic love. If you love the person, say to them, “I love you exactly the way you are.” Say to yourself, “I love this man or woman exactly the way he or she is.” If you don’t feel that way, you are not really loving them.
Let’s take something simple. For instance, if your Prince helps with kitchen clean up, but always leaves a wet dish towel around the handle of the refrigerator, don’t think I wish he wouldn’t do that. Instead, as you put the wet towel where it should be enjoy the feeling of love towards your Prince just for being. Then be thankful that he is with you. Be thankful he helps with the kitchen duties. Now, every time you find the wet towel you will smile and feel the love. He might see you smiling and ask you what’s up? Tell him, “When I move this wet towel, I’m reminded of how much I love you.” You can always remind him that wet towels have their own place. This is done with love. Just like every other interaction with him.
If you say, “I will love you if …” then you have just put a condition on love. Do you love this person for who they are? If so, great! Don’t spend one second trying to change them. Speak your feelings, don’t nag. Let them be who they are. Love them for who they are. If you can’t or don’t want to, maybe the relationship is not a good match. Don’t fool yourself. Love him or her the way they are.
Pillow Talk
This is when you let it all out and the bond of love becomes so strong it’s unbreakable. Talk – listen, talk – listen. Guys, have you learned when your partner just wants you to listen? This is a time to share love and feelings. Not the time to fix things. Just listen. Get to know her. Don’t worry about understanding her. You don’t need to. Just love her the way she is.
Talk about everything you feel. Both of you. Men and women are different. Sometimes one of you can get your feelings hurt and the other doesn’t know it. If that happens, first thing is not to take anything personally (we will learn more about this later). Talk about it. If you have hurt feelings and something on your mind, then say it. Maybe that is difficult because it’s new. Your partner really wants to hear it, so say it. Maybe you can start by saying, “My feelings were hurt. I’m not used to talking about this and I’d like your help to draw this out of me. When you two get something out and worked out, you will say, “Wow! I feel great now.” “I didn’t know you felt that way.” Then say, “Thanks for sharing your feelings with me. I love you.” Pillow talk should be mostly to share feelings of love. If you start to notice all your pillow talk is about hurt feelings, it’s up to you to change what comes out of your mouth and heart. Talk about good, love and fun. If you can’t think of anything then talk about being thankful and what you’re thankful for. And don’t forget to talk about your gift of intimacy. For example, “I really like the way you were touching me, thank you for sharing your beautiful body with me, I really like looking into your eyes when we make love”.
The Prince can ask, “Did you have fun with your girlfriends last night”? After you ask, LISTEN. That’s all. The Princess can say, “Thank you for helping with the household stuff yesterday. Thank you for opening the car door for me. Thank you for holding my hand when we walk. I like it when you show me that you love me and treat me like a Princess. Thanks for just listening.” (He does open the car door for you, right? If not, just ask. It’s easy. Say, “Honey will you open the car door for me, please?”) It’s fun to be a lady, a Princess. It’s fun to have a lady, a Princess to treat like a Princess. Keep pillow talk fun!
Love & Fear
The reason love feels good is because that is what we have inside us, that is what we are, that is what we came from. Every other feeling or emotion that you don’t like, that doesn’t feel good; jealousy, anger, resentment, loneliness, judgment, hate, I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m ashamed (you fill in the blank), are all fear based. Often you are afraid of what other people say or think about you. Sometimes it is your own self that judges you and you are never good enough.
Notice the moments when you are at peace with yourself. Imagine yourself and your inner light bright inside you. The light of life. It is always good. It is always love. Now when you have reason to feel mad, you can ask yourself “what am I afraid of?” If you can find the fear and examine it and look at it, you can uncover it. If you don’t look at it and become aware, you cover your inner light with a dark cloak of anger. Example: Someone cuts you off on the freeway and you get MAD. Anger flows all through your body. It is so bad for you. Your heart rate and blood pressure goes up and your good driving judgment is gone. If you can become AWARE and say “I’m mad”, “I’m angry” then ask “what am I afraid of?” Hmm? Am I afraid that there is one more car in front of me? Am I afraid the other driver is going to get to his destination five seconds before me?
Now you can see that there is no reason for fear in this example. This anger emotion is the result of years of practicing getting mad. Your false self can feel important because when you are ANGRY you are not afraid. You’re covering your fear with anger. (See how this is your ego?) If you can’t break this down and you keep getting mad, you are just covering the inner light inside you. Just like putting a dark cloak over your light. If you have a break-through, great. You have weakened the false self (the ego) and taken one dark cloak off your inner light. It is so much easier to respond with love.
Let off the gas a second, let the driver in, let him go off in his cloaked self, do not judge him, just be aware. You keep yourself in love. Be present. Be happy for yourself. Thank yourself. “Wow, that was an area that I used to get mad and I didn’t, I stayed happy and present. Good for me.” If you get mad next time, DON’T judge yourself. Now you know how to keep your happiness. It gets easier every day.
Power of Attraction
Power of attraction is manifestation or creation through you. You bring into your life what you think about, talk about, and what you feel about or how you feel. If you like your life, great, good for you. You have brought good into your life. If you don’t like what you are, what you are doing, how you feel, and your relationship, stop and listen to yourself. Do you say “I hate my job, I don’t like where I am.” If you talk or gossip about people in a negative way, if you complain, “I don’t have enough money, I don’t like this, I don’t like that” etc., you are creating more of what you think about, talk about and feel.
Do you sit with your peers or co-workers and complain or nag about your spouse? You doing that ensures that next week, you will have something to complain about. Remember the old saying “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”? That’s great advice. At work next week surprise everyone and tell them how great your spouse is and how much you love them. You will feel great for the rest of the day! Start a new trend, every day is a day to start something new, fun and loving.
Bring what you want into your life using the law of attraction. Say things like, “I am so happy”, “I feel good”, “I love my job”, “I love my house”. “My commute to work is easy” (you might not be able to change the fact you drive in traffic, you can still have a good drive and arrive in a good mood). Say, “I love my partner, I am loving my Princess.” Check your feelings. That is your gage. If you feel bad, change your thought. It is easy and habit forming. What a great habit. Get in the habit of thinking good thoughts.
Universe
The definition for the word ”Universe” among the ancient Greek philosophers from Pythagoras onwards was ”THE ALL” defined as ”all matter” and ”all space”.
The universe is everywhere. It has always been, it will always be. It is the creative power of life. Many people have learned to call this God. People from different parts of the world have different names. Whatever you are comfortable with is what you should call this; consciousness, eternal light, eternal life, spirit, source, etc. It is all the same. Not to argue the point with people who defend using the word God. In any language you can say or have translated “the power of the universe” and they will know what you mean. If thinking about God brings an image of a single entity then maybe using “Universe” will expand your understanding that “God” is everywhere, including in us.
Present
Living in the present moment is being in tune with the Universe. This is when life happens. Learn from the past, don’t live there. Plan for the future, don’t live there. Right now you are alive, live for the moment. Even if you are so excited about something coming up like a party, or a walk to the river, be present while preparing for the party. Enjoy what is happening now. When you grab your hat and sneakers for the walk, don’t rush through putting on your sneakers, be present, and enjoy the moment. Here is a great exercise for discovering if you are being present or if your thoughts are constantly running away with you, possibly into the future projecting something that you don’t know or into the past, something that isn’t because it already was. It is not now.
Anyway back to the example; when you take a shower, are you being present? Or are you filled with thoughts about what you’re going to do during the day or what happened yesterday? Do you ever get halfway through your shower and think to yourself; did I wash my hair? Did I already put in conditioner? You have to look at the bottle to see if it’s wet to see if you put conditioner in your hair because your thoughts were keeping you from being present.
Take a moment, put your back to the water and feel the water splash over you, feel it run all down your back, down your legs and feel your feet touching the bottom of your shower. Now turn and face the water, let it splash on your face and just enjoy feeling. Try not to waste any water, but understand the difference of rushing through something with your mind somewhere else when you should be present and enjoying every moment.
This also can be discovered when you’re having a conversation. Have you ever noticed when you’re listening, and you’d like to make a comment, you try to store the idea in your head? Pretty soon in your head, you’re thinking other thoughts towards the end of the conversation you are having and you’re not even listening to the other person. And then you get to talk and the other person isn’t listening because they’re storing ideas in their head. Do yourself and the person you’re in discussion with a favor by being present and listening; you will be able to feel the difference. Life only happens in the present moment.
Ego
The ego we are talking about is your false self. Your false self is the dark cloak that covers our internal light. It’s a learned behavior. Someone taught it to you or you taught it to yourself. The real you is peaceful, loving, and accepting. The false self is always fear-based; judgment, resentment, jealousy, anger, etc.
Example: You are enjoying a peaceful moment; you are feeling calm and happy. You are out on the porch with a cool glass of water reading a good book. If something disrupts you and you feel interrupted and that leads to anger, “why are you bothering me, I only have a few minutes to myself,” “leave me alone, I don’t care what you want,” all the false selves rush in to defend why you should be left alone, when really life just happens. It all depends on how you react to the interruption. Have you been reacting the same way for years? We learn to react a certain way because years ago we liked what the reaction did for us. Maybe when you were little a toy was lost or broken, did you react with anger and get attention? Did you learn that getting angry gets you attention? Did you become a master at getting attention this way? It comes from practice.
Learn to recognize it when it starts. Many times after you recognize it you can instantly drop it. You feel the anger jump up, you recognize it with awareness. It goes away and all of a sudden you apologize, find your inner peace, and realize that you weren’t interrupted, it’s just life going on around you.
You discover that the person who interrupted you found your wallet in the driveway and was trying to return it to you. Or they wanted to tell you that you left the lights on in your car. Or maybe they just wanted to say, ‘hi neighbor, it’s a beautiful day’. When you can find the real inner you, there you will find peace. Peace cannot exist with the false self of ego, i.e. judgment, resentment, jealousy, anger, self-suffering. We weren’t born with any of these. We learn to use them to cover some kind of fear. False self (ego) can be very disruptive in a romantic relationship. Learn to recognize the ego. Every time you recognize it, you weaken it and it has less control over you. When you can have the inner light, your relationship will be authentic, peaceful, loving and growing.
Just Be
Do nothing, just be. Don’t think about anything, not the past, not the future. Enjoy the moment. Feel the love.
Don’t say to yourself, “finally we go out and have time together or where are we going to go next time?” These aren’t bad thoughts. What we want right now is to JUST BE. Experience the peace of feeling good, feeling love. Feel with your heart, with your inner peace. Peace comes to the quiet mind.
Love Yourself
You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.
We have been trained to sacrifice ourselves in order to give to someone else. That can work for a while. You have to learn to love yourself in order to give freely without conditions, without keeping score. When you love yourself, forgive yourself and don’t judge yourself, you are open to being able to share love.
Go to the mirror and look at yourself and say, “I love you,” “I love you exactly the way you are.” When you do this and really feel it, you will feel a connection with the Universe.
Your Happiness
You have your happiness in you always. That is a gift from the Universe to you. It is always in you. If you can’t find it don’t go looking for it. It is already in you. You just have to uncover it.
Don’t look to someone else to bring you happiness. You are responsible for your happiness whether you hide it or live it. It is up to you.
If you say, “How can I be happy when my house is messy, the car needs repair, the trash truck dumped my trash on my driveway…etc,” these are just things that happen. Accept them and move on. Can you have a smile on your face and feel happy when you are cleaning up the dumped trash? Of course you can. Did you watch someone cover their happiness and get angry when they cleaned up trash? A Father, a Mother? Did you adopt their behavior? Beware when you feel your happiness being covered. Only you can uncover it.
If a tragedy does happen and happiness doesn’t feel right, you can be at peace. Give up resistance to what you can’t change. Give up resistance to what is. Always be willing to be at peace with what is. Peace will lead to happiness.
Judgment
What is good judgment? Not getting too close to the cliff. Not picking up a poisonous snake. There is a place for judging. The question is why do we humans have to judge everything? It always makes us feel bad. When we speak it out loud to someone, it makes them feel bad.
This is one of our most powerful ways to suppress love. To judge yourself, to judge someone else, to judge a situation. When you judge, you begin to think you are qualified to judge. You begin to think you are better than another person. Not true. When you judge yourself, you are never good enough for yourself. Not true. When you judge a situation, you think you should be in control of what happens. Not true.
Example: For weeks you are enjoying the leaves on your tree. They have turned their beautiful fall colors. Every day you say “Wow, look how beautiful the leaves are.” A week later you are outside hating those leaves. You hate spending time cleaning up the leaves. They are the same leaves. You have judged the situation because you don’t like cleaning up leaves. You have judged them to be bad, a nuisance. When really, they are what they are, not good or bad. They are the same beautiful leaves that were on the tree. Don’t judge the situation. Keep your happiness. Deal with the leaves. If you want, have someone else clean up the leaves, it is okay. Don’t judge yourself for thinking that. If your heart speak up and says “I think I want someone else to clean up the leaves,” listen to your heart. If you don’t, your head will get involved and start judging you.
Don’t judge yourself! “I’m not pretty enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” Whatever it is you are just repeating a learned behavior. Don’t judge other people. Except them for what they are, human beings. They are different from you and yet we are all from the same source.
You will feel ego from false self rising up in you when you start judging. You will feel something in you wanting to be heard. “That person is …” When you feel it happening and recognize it you have just had a moment of awareness. The real you is the awareness in the background. Don’t let the judge cover your inner light. When you feel it, let your awareness push the judge away. Now accept the person for what they are. You don’t have to like them or be around them. Don’t spend a moment judging them.
Expectations
Expectation leads to disappointment. When you get rid of expectations you leave behind disappointment. WOW! That sounds good.
Don’t expect your lover to always be in a good mood. Sometimes they will need to uncover their happiness. Don’t expect that the movie you go to will be good. Enjoy it for what it is and maybe it will be great. Don’t expect your lover to always bring you flowers. That takes the fun out of it for both of you and leads to disappointment. Enjoy the gift of wonder. “Wow, dinner at that restaurant was great!” Maybe it is always great and that is why you go there, that is why it is your favorite restaurant. Don’t let expectations of a great meal take away the WOW!
Being
Human Being. We use this term a lot. We understand the “human” part. Well, we think we do. It is the body part of us, the physical part. It is form.
Being has no form. It is not the physical part of us. Human and Being are intertwined. They are not separate. They are connected at a level that does not need to be understood. We just need to be aware of it. Your Being is the peaceful internal light in you. It is the part of you that has always been and will always be. The human part will eventually go away.
Love your human part. Be thankful for it. It is your gift. The Being part of us is part of the Universe. When you judge yourself you are going against your form, your body, your human part. When you become aware of the Being part of you, you will know the beauty and love that you really are.
When you say to your lover, “You are the most beautiful being,” you are appreciating the interwoven parts of human and Being. Think of it this way. Your lover, your partner, your Princess or Prince is the most beautiful gift the Universe has to give you. Sometimes your partner might cover their inner beauty with false self (ego). At this time you are only seeing the human part. Finding the balance of human and Being is what we want to do.
Making Out
Remember this? Remember how much fun it was? Try it again. This might be thought of as something for kids. For those who are out there making out, GREAT! Keep it going.
How about older relationships? Are there memories of things you used to do? “I remember making out in your car. I remember when you couldn’t walk past me without touching me. I remember when we used to shower together. I remember when you used to tell me you loved me every day.”
Let’s get back to some romance. Try making out. I’m sure you are going to smile when you try this again. You might even grin. You might even giggle. You might even laugh. If that happens, GREAT! This is all feel good stuff.
Kiss her. Enjoy the feel of her lips. Kiss her again and don’t pull away. Mush your lips around. Open your mouth a little. Touch her tongue with yours. If you start laughing, GREAT! Have fun.
If one of you does laugh and the other one is not laughing, don’t either one of you judge the other or the situation. Laugh with your partner. See and feel the fun side and the funny side.
Now try it again. Kiss. Don’t pull back. Mush lips, open mouth, touch tongues. Explore at your own pace. This takes years to practice (Hee-Hee) and gives you years to love. It keeps love young and growing. Keep practicing for the rest of your lives. Think about it, “We used to make out. You used to tell me you love me. You used to touch me when you walked near me.” Remember love and relationships are always changing. Growing or diminishing. If you have a lot of “used to’s”, where is your love going? P.S. Making out while making love is GREAT!
Pain Body
The false self (ego) has many faces, many identities. In fact one of the ways it tricks you is to have you identify with it. You think that when the false self is running your thoughts and emotions that it is the real you, not true. A very destructive part of the false self is the accumulation of suffering and pain with anger, jealousy, etc. and every other emotional pain.
It comes together with pain from the past and forms its own entity. It is negative energy that can control your body and mind. It is an invisible entity. This is what Eckhart Tolle calls the ‘pain body’.
It can be very powerful in the body and may need to be replenished or fed. When the pain body needs to feed, anything can trigger it; if you are aware of it, you can feel when it starts to take you over.
Something that happened yesterday didn’t bother you. The next day it could be different. Something small triggered it and the pain body rises up and takes you over. Look out. Now you want to fight, argue and get mad. If you find someone to fight with, someone who’s pain body wants to feed, you will fight over anything and nothing. When the pain body has had enough the fight will end. You won’t even know what you were fighting about. Then another false self will arise and defend the fight by wanting to be right. That is so vicious, wanting to be right. Avoid that. There is no right if you have to defend it. There is no right when the pain body gets involved and takes over.
Notice when you feel the pain body invading. You can feel it. Let the watcher inside of you see the pain body for what it is. Remember it is not you. When you notice the pain body, you weaken it. Be present. The pain body always arises from another time, something in the past. It can’t survive in the present moment. It can’t survive in the now.
When you read these lessons, you learn some techniques for being present. Breath. Fill your lungs. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. Listen to your breath. Feel your inner body. Be the watcher inside your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Ask yourself what is the next thought that I’m going to think. When you ask yourself that, you will discover a period of silence in your head; waiting to observe the next thought. Guess what. The real you is the observer, period, not the thoughts. When you become the observer, the pain body will weaken.
The residue of the pain body might last a little while. You might feel emotionally charged. The feeling of anger might still be bouncing around in you. That is okay. When your peace returns you will feel great. That might be the next day. Now that the pain body has been exposed it is much weaker.
Some couples have pain bodies that feed off each other. They get along good most of the time. Then when one of the pain bodies needs to feed, an argument starts. The other partner’s pain body might be very small. The one that needs to feed will start the fight and keep pushing buttons until the fight is at the level it needs. When it is finally over there can be serious damage done. Let’s learn to be without the pain body.
Some pain bodies attack themselves. This can be very destructive. The constant negative attitude will bring sickness and injury to the human body in physical form.
Your pain body can feed from gossip, from watching the news (why are we so fascinated with bad news), from violent movies. Why do we want to watch suffering? Think about it. Avoid this. Look for beauty and peace. Don’t judge the pain body, just observe it. Be aware of it. This will lessen its hold on you. Take control by being present.