First, realize there are many kinds of marriages. Some are fun and inspiring. Some are dull and boring. Some are unhappy with a feeling of confinement. Some are abusive – physical and/or emotional. And there are many that fall somewhere in between.

In many cultures, marriage is a choice that two people make so they can share their life together. Their happy marriage tells the rest of us that they are content with one another, at least in the beginning. They are so happy in fact that they look forward to the future together and the hope of always being happy.

• Does that change? Yes everything changes.
• Can a marriage that is fun and inspiring become more fun and inspiring? Yes.
• Can a fun marriage turn dull and boring? Yes.
• Can a marriage that started out fun then turned boring go back to being fun? Yes.
• Can a marriage that went from fun to boring also turn unhappy? Yes
• Can a marriage start out fun and then become abusive? Yes.
• Can a marriage that became abusive change back to being fun? Yes.
• If a marriage started out fun then turned unhappy, can it be turned around to be happy again? Yes.

The way to recreate a Happy Marriage is to stop paddling the boat in the direction you don’t want to go!

Think of you and your spouse in a rowboat. What direction are you going? The boat has no choice but to go in the direction you paddle it. If you want to go towards happiness, the relationship (your boat) needs to be steered and paddled in that direction. If you do nothing, the boat (your relationship) ends up washed up on the shore. The boat or relationship will end up in a different place then it started. Where the relationship goes depends on the direction you paddle and steer your boat.

The input you and your spouse put into your relationship directly affects the quality of the relationship.

• If your relationship is fun and inspired continue to do what you’re doing.
• If your relationship is somewhere on the unhappy scale, ask yourselves if you want it to remain as it is? Get better? Or get worse?

Anything is possible.
There is always hope.

You might think it’s silly to ask your self if you want your relationship to get better or not, but it’s important to find out if you really want to improve the quality of your relationship. Some people put their energy into complaining instead of correcting.

There are ways to bring back fun and happiness. There is hope. The road to happiness always starts with you. You have to make the changes you want to see. No one else can do it for you.

Even if you think it’s your partner’s fault that the relationship is unhappy, look at your actions. You’ve been in that boat paddling and steering also. It takes two to paddle and steer a boat in the direction you both want to go. That means doing it together. Challenges arise when the two of you have different directions in mind, or when one of you stops paddling. The boat can still continue on a chosen course with one person paddling, but it’s not as efficient. When both stop paddling, the boat drifts into unhappiness.

Can you still be happy if you are the only one paddling? Yes.

But one of you stops trying or paddling the other thinks they might as well stop trying also and you feel like you’re in a very unhappy marriage. It takes hope to ignite courage and strength to continue. Can you still be happy? Yes.

You always have the choice to be happy. Sometimes one of you stops trying, then the other stops trying, too. You both hold up unhappy signs and blame the other for your unhappiness.

Remember,there is always hope.

When you decide to try again, to start paddling again, you can choose happiness. If your partner still wants to be unhappy (remember it’s a choice) and holds up an unhappy sign, there’s not much you can except remain happy yourself. In fact, your happiness could rub off. It could bring a smile to your partner’s face and heart. But your relationship is not going to fix itself. Your smile could be the change you want to see.

Something else you may not have thought of: you are responsible for your own happiness. No one can take it away unless you choose to let it be taken. On the other hand you can be happy all the time if that’s your choice. Can you be happy if you’re the only one peddling the boat? Yes.

Do you know you have the choice to be angry with your partner or not? You might not have realized you have a choice. But you do. It’s the same with feeling sorry for your self. It’s your choice. How about complaining? You don’t have to complain. It doesn’t do any good anyway. It just brings you more unhappiness. Choose not to complain.

To have happiness in a not-so-perfect relationship, it’s necessary to redirect negative energy to positive energy. If you don’t complain, gossip, hold bitter thoughts, if you stop resenting, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop blaming yourself or your partner for unhappiness, you can turn all that energy into happiness. Put a smile on your face and in your heart. Know that you are responsible for your happiness and get on with being happy.

Let the joy rub off in your partner and watch your unhappy marriage leave the miserable side of the street and go to the other side. Turn your unhappy sign into a happy paddle and start paddling in the direction you want. This only works if you choose happiness.

Begin to happily paddle your boat. If your partner still wants to be unhappy you may have to ask them to leave the boat. Remember: You won’t be able to bring happiness back into your relationship if you’re not choosing happiness yourself. Only you can make the choice of happiness. Choose to be happy. If you can’t or don’t, it will be difficult for your partner. Make the choice to be happy.