Dear Readers,
I have been away from my blogging for a few weeks dealing with family matters.
The short version: my very senior Dad with alzheimer’s became very ill, very suddenly, 911 sort of stuff – off to the hospital. They discovered a U. T. I. ( urinary tract infection), which I have learned can turn seniors with alzheimer’s into zombies, well actually less strength than zombies ( zombies can at least walk).
My wonderful, loving mother needed lots and lots of help. Help in ways that can’t imagined until something like this happens to someone you love (I pray it never happens to you)
Fortunately I have an incredible sister who is so helpful. As a team, me with my strengths and my sister with her strengths we were (and still are) able to help mom and make moves such as from home to hospital ER, then recovery room, then another facility for rehab, then another facility for care. All while always asking questions, listening and learning and sometimes having to insist for the proper or at least different care when some of the forms of care were not working for the best interest of Dad.
Some of the tasks came in the form of housework and making meals for Mom. Some of the chores came to me when my sister and Mom were with Dad or making new arrangements.
As an example of the tasks I was doing: moving furniture and renting a carpet cleaner to clean recently very soiled carpet so that the house would be pleasant, moving all of the fun collectibles (not junk) out of a spare bedroom so it would be available for a hospital bed if necessary, and of course cooking meals and cleaning up. After all of that it was about being ready to listen to the next move or task to be performed, and the three of us jumping in like any family who loved each other. Above all, it was about helping Mom by just loving her. Not running her life. But by listening, making comments and suggestions, and putting our words into actions of love and help.
The situation has become somewhat stable. Mom has her chin up. My sister has gone back to her home and checks on Mom through phone calls – she is handling so many tasks with the Internet or telephone calls, like Dr. visit appointments and financial wizardry. I’m back at my home also and check in with Mom daily and am close enough (2 hour drive) to visit weekly to help Mom with anything that comes up. And to just hug her and tell her I love her. That has so much healing power.
I don’t know what the future has in store( what a silly thing to say – of course I don’t), but I have witnessed the strength of what love can do when a family comes together, so I know we can handle whatever comes up.
A very interesting thing to witness was how helpful and brilliant my sister’s husband is and how helpful and brilliant my fiancé is.
Being in relationship is a great place to experience internal growth.
One of the blogs I write about is called ” Who Is More Blessed”. When you ponder this question daily you will find feelings of beauty, peace, love, wonder and awe in many everyday life events.
This is what I mean: I felt so blessed that I was able to help Mom( with no drama – that’s not helpful, leave your drama behind you when you help out of love). When I was moving furniture and cleaning carpet in Mom’s house, I felt so much peace. It needed to be done (Dad’s most recent accident on the carpet), Mom couldn’t do it, we didn’t want to hire anyone to move the delicate antiques, so I did it. I did it with love.
It felt so good doing something like that coming from love. And then when my Mom and sister came home from their tasks with dad, they came home to a nice clean fresh house and they felt the love. Of course they appreciated what I had done and were very thankful and expressed that. However, I had already had my pat on the back. It was the blessing of peace and contentment from being so engaged in an act of love. Can you imagine moving heavy furniture and cleaning very soiled carpet for hours with a smile on your face and in your heart? It can happen.
I’m sure my sister feels blessed that she can offer so much to Mom out of love while asking nothing in return. I know Mom felt blessed to have our help and just us being there.
So……… who is more blessed? Me, my sister, my Mom, or would it be the giver of love itself?
From the opening photo with interlocked hands to the bottom of this blog, there were tears in my eyes. It touched my heart and I felt the organic love. Thank you!
I know what you are going through with this new disruption in what you use to know as your family. When your parent goes through failing health such as what your dad is going through now, I’ve said many times in the past to others, that I would rather take care of 20 bratty kids than to stand by and watch ONE of my parents WEAKEN from the person I knew growing up. You always looked UP to these people known as dad and mom. They’ve protected, feed, clothed, housed, taught, and loved you, your entire life. When their ailment now makes you RETURN everything they’ve given you growing up it’s a MISSION now in life you were never taught but loving do. It’s done without question, an automatic endearing motion of return, which was given us those tender years ago. They sad part now for you is to acknowledge it has little effect to helping them. Their ailment is BIGGER than just raising a young child.
It was done out of deep LOVE for my father when I watched him go. I only kept thinking my holding of his huge hand, my smiles and tender touches were what he did for me when I was small. Who was more BLESSED, you ask? Me as a little girl or my dad, before he went to heaven. It’s a circle of life I answer. A loving circle of life that I would do tenfold.